Bought a used CD by Michael Franks for a dollar the other day. He made it in the late 80s, The Camera Never Lies. Typical of what I used to call "yuppie jazz." Ripped it to my computer just to see if I could get WMP 11 to work. It did, and very smoothy. If you go online afterward, a track list with a picture appears in your "Library."
Franks was big on the college scene when I was 21. I remember the chorus from a song he got a lot of airplay with at my school (Think bossa nova beat, "smooth jazz" chords and a kind of James Taylor-y melody) "Daddy, he likes Coltrane/Lady, she likes Miles/Baby looks like heaven/When she smiles." I was in a dorm my last-ever semester when that was playing. It was a co-ed dorm, with males and females at opposite sides of an X-shaped brick tower. The girls from different floors had their graduating guys all picked out (law school, med school, etc), while those who weren't into that kept to themselves (no, nobody came out back then, not where I went to school. You just sort of knew, I guess). I was the odd man out. I really liked the opposite sex, but I rarely dated. I thought I was missing something, psychologically. Some "component" of my head was missing the part that "hit" on women, or that "got" how I was supposed to respond to a "come-on." (A "come-on" is 60s-70s slang for a flirtation.) I saw who I wanted, or I noticed the "come-on," but I usually just didn't do anything, except maybe smile back, or something.
I felt bad about it for years and years, because I didn't change. That "component" of my head never showed up. Then, I thought I was just shy. No, I'm not: I can be outgoing when I feel I need to. In fact, I can be utterly brazen. That's not it.
Then, I thought I must be "out of the loop" sexually -- a misfit. No, I'm pretty normal. I don't have "weird tastes" or stuff like that.
"What's wrong with me?" I'd cry to the heavens (quietly, of course. No need for the men in the little white lab coats to show up at my door.).
I finally found The Answer: nothing. Nothing is wrong with me. So, what gives?
I didn't realize it when I was younger, of course, because, well, I was young. Not understanding stuff goes with the territory. What I learned by experience was that I see men and women as they are. Not merely "friend/foe" or "mewant/menotwant." I see that, too. But what I didn't realize I saw was their essential humanness: expressions, emotions, motivations, fears, feelings. I didn't realize it because it came naturally.
I'd come to think I was "psychic" -- I decided that I was what's known as an "empath." Telepaths read thoughts, empaths read feelings. Now, I tend to think people in general are misinformed about so-called "psychics," because some (maybe most -- I don't know) you see in the public arena are probably frauds. You'd have to be, almost, to try and make a profit from it, because such unconscious impressions don't just glibly fly out of your mouth on demand. They're rarely that clear, either -- and you certainly can't bank on them. So, you wouldn't be able to turn it into a business, without some showbiz thrown in, at least in my experience. Others may certainly differ.
The other thing people in general are misinformed about is that so-called "psychics" are rare. I don't think they are. If you're reading this, you may have something rattling around in your head you don't realize is "psychic" -- just as I did when I was younger. Maybe, when science gets more information together, more sensitive instrumentation developed, we'll see "psychic power" as more normal. Maybe then, we'll quit looking at it as a "power" -- more as something like having opposable thumbs. Maybe we'll understand each other better. Maybe then there will be more peace on earth. You think?
So, my unconscious “empathic ability” interfered with the mating dance, I reasoned. Yes, you could use it to do the opposite, couldn't you? But that would be unethical, so I didn't.
By the way, "empathy" is not (Bill Clinton accent) "I feel your pain." Here is the definition from the eleventh edition of the Concise Oxford English Dictionary: "the ability to understand and share the feelings of another." Simple, huh?
Another “by the way” and then I'll post: I griped in an earlier post about not being able to get the OED software to work in a limited account on Windows XP SP2. How did I eventually do it? In Administrator Mode: Start>Run> type Documents and Settings\(limited account username). Right click and hold on the shortcut icon of the program you want to transfer to the limited account, then drag and drop into the Documents and Settings window.
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*The date on this is also an estimate, for the same reason as the last post. Both were obviously very personal, but posting them was necessary to see where "my head was at" back then. If you were to ask me now, I'd say there is no such thing as a "psychic", and that I'm just extremely cautious around strangers.
LJ orig.: 1/19/07*
*The date on this is also an estimate, for the same reason as the last post. Both were obviously very personal, but posting them was necessary to see where "my head was at" back then. If you were to ask me now, I'd say there is no such thing as a "psychic", and that I'm just extremely cautious around strangers.
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